unPhilly cheesesteak

It’s a vexing thing being a New York fan in Philadelphia sports land. Every season seems to start with glorified nicknames and guaranteed titles, and then ends with excuses and a bandwagon mass exodus. To save myself from the hate mail — specifically the “your teams suck, too” retorts (lest I remind you my teams have won more championships and won championships more recently than yours) — I’ll quickly move on to my cheeky segue…

“The Dream Team” Eagles are finally out of playoff contention after weeks of hearing about “must-win games” and how talented the team really is. I wouldn’t elate in their failure so much if everyone had just curbed their expectations from the get-go, but — just like every Philly team and every new season — this was the year. In honor of the Eagles’ mockery of a season, I created a mockery of my own: the unPhilly cheesesteak. Unlike the Birds, this sandwich lives up to its potential and leave you feeling satisfied. The downside is that it’s not the healthiest sandwich, so you’ll feel like Andy Reid looks when you’re done your meal.

♦1 lb. boneless beef steak (often sold in packages as sandwich steak)
2 tbs. cream cheese per sandwich
1 tbs. Gold’s prepared horseradish per sandwich
3 tbs. french fried onions per sandwich
Salt & black pepper to taste
Sandwich rolls 

Heat slices of beef in a pan over medium heat. Meanwhile, spread cream cheese on both sides of roll and lightly toast in oven/toaster oven depending on how many you’re making. When meat is cooked through, remove from heat and drain grease. Repeat as needed for amount of meat desired. Cut meat into thin slices, and place on roll. Sprinkle with salt and pepper, then add horseradish to your liking. Top with loads of french fried onions.

Total time? 12 minutes.
Cost? $2 meat, 50¢ per roll, $1.25 cream cheese, $2 horseradish, $2.59 french fried onions.
Overall success relative to expectations? 9 out of 10. Obviously, this is not a real Philly cheeseteak (hell, I didn’t even use Philadelphia brand cream cheese), but for something that doesn’t take a trip over the bridge or a Soup Nazi-like ordering method, it wasn’t too shabby. (I guess you’d call it a Cream With?) Either way, the french fried onions steal the show with that fantastic crunch. The only point deduction came from my overzealous addition of shredded white cheddar on top; it was a mistake, but hey, no one’s perfect. Unless you’re the Packers.

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